A Different Kind of Blog

news and things sacred and irreverent put together by opinionated people.

Embracing Our Dying

Posted by lawman2 on December 21, 2008

My wife started to post this, but didn’t.  I found it, and feel it should be posted.  I am not sure she has finished it as she went to lay down.   We will not be taking our vacation as we are needed here for the time being.  BUT we will not be able to post, as we will be with her family for the most part.

Tonight my wife called her parents to let them know we wouldn’t be able to be there for Christmas, while she was on the phone she started crying and I first thought “Oh great her dad is giving her the ol’ guilt trip crap again…” but I was surprised when she handed the phone to me and even more surprised to find it was her mother on the other end of the line. Her mother calmly told me this would most likely be her last Christmas to spend with her daughter, and would really appreciate my understanding her selfishness on asking us to put off our vacation until a later date. Then she apologized for inconveniencing me.  

I have complained about my wife’s family in the past, but I do have a lot of respect for them.  Her mother reminds me of my wife in so many ways.  They both are quiet, soft spoken, beautiful and little women. After reading the guilt ridden not complete post of my wifes I feel the need to say sorry to her, and to her family.  My mother in law is dear to my heart, and I am sorry she was worried about inconveniencing me.  I am sorry she felt she was being selfish by asking for us to stay home for Christmas. I am sorry that my wife felt like she needed to explain and defend more of her faith to me at a time like this. BUT most of all… I am sorry that I planned this trip really at this time of year to piss her family off.  I know how important Christmas is to my wife’s family.  I don’t feel guilt very often, but my heart feels heavy with it tonight. 

I was really surprised to see this post as my wife is a bit of a private person.  Below is what my wife started to post:

I learned today my mother has breast cancer and has been keeping the news to herself for quite a long time.   The only reason she told us, was because she wanted  the whole family home for Christmas for what may be last time.  My husband and I were planning a little get away, and would have missed Christmas with our families to do so. 

I knew my mother had not been feeling well for a few months now, and it has bothered me greatly.  But she kept telling me not to worry about her, and that she was going to be fine.  I should have known things were really wrong by my dad’s reaction to Joe and I getting married.  I should have know by how tired she always is anymore.  I should have known by all the doctor visits daddy was taking her to.  I just should have known.

My mother has always been the strong one in our family, she has a quiet way of showing us how to keep our faith in God and each other.  For  such a small quiet woman, she has the inner strength of a lion or bear.  I could sense in her voice how tired she has been.  How hard it must have been to carry this burden for so long for her and daddy.

  After she shared with me everything the doctors had told her, she said “I am embracing my dying and I pray all my children understand that fully. And I want you to try and explain this to Joe in a way he can understand, death isn’t the end.”

I don’t know that I want to embrace her embracing her death, and I don’t feel like explaining this all to my husband but I will try…

The truth that life is a precious gift from God has profound implications for the question of stewardship over human life. We are not the owners of our lives and, hence, do not have absolute power over life. We have a duty to preserve our life and to use it for the glory of God, but the duty to preserve life is not absolute.

Embracing Our Dying is a resource for Catholics facing end-of-life issues.

We chose the name Embracing Our Dying because we know that if those who are dying are embraced by their family and their community, they will not seek death, but will live their last days well, and then accept death when it comes.

For my husband I am posting these short videos to help explain the site Embracing Our Dying and what my mother wanted me to try and explain.

Embracing Our Dying Part 1

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Embracing Our Dying Part 2

Vodpod videos no longer available.


 Mother I love you.  Thank you for being such a wonderful, and faithful parent.   Thank you for always being there for me and all of us.  Thank you for being the go between for daddy and I.  Thank you for loving all of us and forgiving our faults. Mother, I love you and I am scared of being without you.   Mother, I want to be strong for you, be brave for you, be there for you.  Mother, I love you.

God I love you.  God I am not ready for you to take my mother.  God please don’t take her home yet.  God I don’t want to embrace her death.   God please forgive my selfish prayer.  God you know I am not brave.  God I am not ready for you to take my mother.  God I love you.





8 Responses to “Embracing Our Dying”

  1. Lawman2 said

    i hope i put it all together right.

    kay we would still really need you to post for us over the next few weeks. Thank you again for stepping up to plate for us at this time.


  2. Lawman2 said

    i will try and check in from time to time.


  3. tothewire said

    I don’t know that I would have posted it at all. But you did fine with it.


  4. tothewire said

    I can’t sleep, so thought I would see what you were doing…now I know. Guess this can only mean one thing…you are indeed a blogger.


  5. tothewire said

    I wish you would have corrected my spelling and grammar before you published it…


  6. dorian9 said

    ttw – my prayers go out to your mother and the whole family. you and your family are blessed with faith and will find strength in that faith – take care..

    i will try and help with a post or two as well. d


  7. Lawman2 said

    dorian thank you for your kindness!and thank you for helping us out!tothewire i think finally went back to sleep.think i will make my way there as well.

    i kind of feel helpless as what to do for her or the right things to say.i’ve never known her to be upset like this.

    thank you again.

    we have a long day a head of us,and even a caveman needs to sleep sometimes…


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