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news and things sacred and irreverent put together by opinionated people.

My Resolutions for Public Figures Including John McCain, Rahm Emanuel and Chris Matthews

Posted by tothewire on December 28, 2008

dbrn214l1Here are my New Year’s resolutions for politicians, media figures and even the press…


The MSM – to demonstrate that they can be tough on Democrats by excoriating Rod Blagojevich and occasionally expressing skepticism about Caroline Kennedy’s qualifications to be handed a Senate seat.

Rahm Emanuel – to take his children with him every time there is a possibility that the press might ask him tough questions.

Rahm Emanuel (AP)

Rahm Emanuel (AP)

Chris Matthews – to stretch out his consideration of running for the Senate as long as possible so he can keep appearing on MSNBC pretending to be simply a media blowhard instead of a politician blowhard.

Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education-designate – to keep supporting both a reformist and an NEA agenda simultaneously.

John McCain – to prove what a maverick he is and re-endear himself to the Washington media by supporting Obama in every tough fight with the congressional Republicans.

Relatives of Henry Paulson – to ask Uncle Hank for their own personal bailouts.

The Big Three Automakers – to simply hand over their complete lobbying efforts in Washington to the UAW since they’re the ones with the real power.

Sarah Palin – to go on every cruise sponsored by every single conservative outlet she can find.

Nancy Pelosi – to appear in as few press conferences as possible when she is flanked by either Henry Reid or Charlie Rangel.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (AP)

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (AP)

Harry Reid – to appear in as many press conferences as possible with Barack Obama.

Voters in Nevada – to finally notice what a dreary, unappealing guy their senior senator is.

Voters in Illinois – to finally notice what a corrupt bunch of characters they have been electing.

Joe Biden – to appear on as many Sunday talk shows as vice president as he did when he was simply a senator yet make only half as many dumb or simply incomprehensible utterances.



President Barack Obama – to settle in comfortably in his private White House dining room and finish eating his waffle whenever he wants to!

By Betsy Newmark
High School Government and History Teacher


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