A Different Kind of Blog

news and things sacred and irreverent put together by opinionated people.

Damn It Caveman!

Posted by lawman2 on December 31, 2008


Today I started moving my things into ‘our’ house, used to be my wife’s house.  We decided her house is bigger than my old cave and mine is in a great spot to rent it.  Sounds pretty boring huh?  Well I thought it would be too.  BUT you see two days ago I took my wife over to my house to look at all the things I wanted to bring over, and she asked that I please just take it to a Christian Service Center or a place like it and not bring it into her house. I thought to myself FAT CHANCE!  I didn’t mention it again, until today when me and my buddies started showing up with truck loads of my things.

When my buddies and I were loading the stuff up I told my friends “My wife won’t say anything, she’ll be mad for a few days and then she start to love my things being around the house.”  They weren’t convinced and even told me how stupid it was for me to even think about bringing it all home unannounced.  I laughed and said “My wife knows I am the man of the house, and she will learn to live with my shit decorating our cave.”   They still weren’t convinced, so now I had something to prove, right?   

dre0601lAs I started moving in my many sports posters, and many memorabilia, my wife of a little over a month now, calmly walked into our bed room and came out  with some work cloths on and and pitched in to help.  I thought to myself  “Wow!  She is taking this better than I thought she would!”  I was expecting her to get angry and go to her office or something while I unloaded my precious cargo, I was just so surprised and pleased that she was being such a good sport to my ignoring her request.






images24images25She didn’t say anything when my cavemen friends started tromping through with boots and shoes still on through her living room, carrying my many wonderful treasures  including my surfing kite, and my snow ski’s, things like my cozy old recliner, my one of a kind moose lamp, and of course my favorite statue of John Wayne. 

My buddies were all complimenting me on how great she was being, as she brought us some ice cold bud-lite in bottles as we were unpacking things and hauling them into her perfectly immaculate house.  I was even amazed when she never said a word when  I stepped in with a box marked ‘model airplanes that hang on the wall.’

Finally, as one of my buddies came in with the last box complaining about why I hadn’t hired a moving crew SHE SPOKE… my wife looking around her now disorganized and not so immaculatehouse said “Honey, I am going to stay a few days at my brother’s house.  When you decide who and where you are going to drop this shit off with, you give me a call and I will be happy to help you reload it all back up and drop it off.  In the mean time why don’t you Neanderthals make yourselves some sandwiches and drink some more of Joe’s beer?”

images22With that she was out the door leaving me and my buddies looking at each other in amazement.  Then my buddies all started laughing at me saying “Yeah man you sure did show her.”  I was in total shock, my wife has never in all the years of friendship we’ve shared been so rude to me!  I got out my cell phone and started to call her and decided hell no! She can call me…

So pretending it was no big deal I turned to my buddies and said “Hey party in the cave tonight! You guy’s want some more beer?”  They stood there looking at me like I was insane.  They all have been married now for several years.  Mark (one of my best flying buddies)came over to me put his arm around my shoulder and said “You don’t always have to be an ass Joe, we will help you load it all back up man.”

Now you see this would have been the time for the caveman to have done the right thing and accepted the help and loaded the shit up and just dropped it off at the local dump or someplace…  BUT I didn’t.

I looked at him and said “Are you serious?  Hey this is making a statement to my wife!  She needs to know that I am not p**y whipped! Come on guys let’s have a beer and then maybe go shoot some hoops, she’ll be back in an hour or so.”

They just shook  their heads in unison and excused themselves to leave.

As I walked around the house admiring my many treasures, I thought to myself “Wonder why she hasn’t called yet?”  After all I am her caveman, what did she expect?  Did she really think I would just give my treasures away?

otherAn hour went by no phone callycavw4nrhcal08zpfcae1e6uscam5fknscaletewxcaa60jzkcai1mseica35w4xlcaz5fn2zcab1v0nocazo95e0caxc423eca096s9rcaoc5ctqcae3p2mqca6uwcdvca0tf6locaq0n4eb2

Then 2 hours went by no phone call

THEN 3 hours went by still no damn phone call


dmsn59lBy the time the 4th hour had passed I was thinking my treasures weren’t all that great after all, and they really don’t go with any of her nice things anyway.   They would look kinda stupid mixed in with her well matched decor. 

By the 5th hour most everything was loaded crudely in my truck stacked up so high I just knew I had better unload some of it and reload it on the next trip, but before I could start unloading my buddy Mark showed back up with a shit eating grin on his face. I was pretty relieved to see him!  We took it all to the local Christian Center and piled it outside the back door as the sign in the front instructed us to do.

When we arrived back to the cave Mark and I sat down to have a beer.  He told me how funny his wife thought it was, and gave me some good advise…”Joe, you don’t always have to be an ass.  Especially to your wife man, she is way to good for you as it is.”  With those word of wisdom he stood up patted my back and said “Give her a call man.” and he was out the door.

I sat there with my pride still holding me back, and I started thinking about all the many times I have “gotten my way”  how patient she usually is with my many blunders.  How she seldom gets angry, and smiles her pretty smile when I say something stupid  or loose my cool.

I finally broke down and made the call… she answered on the first ring.  THAT’S A FIRST!  

The words just came pouring out of me “baby I am sorry, baby come home, baby I got rid of all that … she cut me off at the pass.  “I’ll be there in 15 min. I love you Joe.”

When she got home she had with her a box marked ‘model airplanes that hang on the wall.’ and my John Wayne statue!  She smiled as she handed me my prize possessions “Mark called me and told me where you two dropped off your treasures and I thought you might like these back.”


You can read more caveman’s perspectives from lawman Just A Caveman


14 Responses to “Damn It Caveman!”

  1. tothewire said

    Nice post lawman! Now come to bed! LOL


  2. brucehood said

    Very sweet! Your simple story was very heart warming.


  3. Lawman2 said

    thanx brucehood.guess this ol’ caveman is evolving…


  4. […] bookmarks tagged bottles HELP! I married a Caveman! saved by 3 others     panafigo bookmarked on 12/31/08 | […]


  5. Rj said

    That was nice. It almost sounded too good to be real.


  6. dorian9 said

    c’mon now caveman what were you thinking?? caveman furniture in her nice house? lucky you still got the hanging model planes and the john wayne statue – that was really sweet of her. i’m sure the christian charity shop really appreciated the donation from the atheist caveman. you get a tax write off for that you know..hehe
    well done, ttw..


  7. Lawman2 said

    thanx you rj and d!well caveman is off for the day until i get through with workin’


  8. justice4mothers said



  9. How cute that is: surely Lawman is taking the piss. He couldn’t be that obtuse…..and ttw is adept at pisstaking too: what an ironic masterstroke letting you keep the John Wayne statue.Nice one: l, as they say, ol


  10. Lawman2 said

    hey there bettyslocmbe yes of course i am that obtuse…i am a caveman.i am also a sexist, male chauvinist, arrogant man, and i do lean towards narcissism.

    hell if my wife wouldn’t have married me,i would have.


  11. Lawman2 said

    hehehe oh and happy new year!


  12. I think that you are a caveman in much the same way that I am a middle aged shop assistant with bright pink hair and a spoiled pussy.


  13. Lawman2 said

    lol bettyslocombe


  14. Majid said



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