Caveman and the Rose
Posted by lawman2 on March 4, 2009
My wife is a quiet soul. She really is an amazing woman, she is able to step outside the box so to speak ,and see things from all angles. She is slow to speak, and eager to listen. The ol’ Caveman here, struggles daily with temperance, trust, and forgiveness. I lack the grace and inner strength that make up her being.
While visiting with my dad this weekend, I shared with him how much I admire her consistency in these areas.
While I was growing up my dad drank too much, and had a terrible temper. I really didn’t understand why my mother loved him and stayed with him through it all. He was tough to live with. He never laid a hand on my mother, but he beat the hell right out of my brother and myself. I listened to the way he spoke to her, and I hated him for it. Yep, the ol’ Caveman was a mamma’s boy growing up. My parent’s relationship effected me profoundly as a young man. I used to joke I was going to be a bachelor my whole life, because there was so many women and so little time. BUT really, I was scared to death that I would be the same kind of spouse to my wife, as my dad was to my mother and I wouldn’t expect any woman to tolerate that for long.
Dad did eventually get sober and worked really hard to win my mothers trust and faith back. I am in no way advocating a woman or man tolerating abuse, physical or mental. I still struggle with coming to terms with her tolerating him for so many years, and her forgiveness so freely given to him.
My dad told me that my wife naturally does 3 things that most of us male or female have to learn, and usually the hard way. He learned these three steps to a healthy relationship in counseling, while trying to fix their once broken marriage.
1) A relationship is like a rose, if you love and care for each other the relationship will bloom. If you ignore and neglect each other the relationship will wither and die.
2) You have to love beyond expectations. In other words, love your spouse without expecting anything in return, and love them with the love you want and crave from them. We all want someone who will be on our side no matter what, right wrong, or otherwise. BUT are we all capable of living up to our own expectations we have put on our spouse?
3) If you say anything to anyone else from the opposite sex, make sure it is something you would say in front of your spouse. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying it if your significant other were there, then it most likely shouldn’t be said. This one little thing works in ANY relationship, family, friends, or lovers.
It is easier for me, because I have a living, walking, talking example in my life on a daily basis. Even before my wife and I married, she was my biggest fan. 20 years of her listening, supporting, and even correcting some of my thinking all done in love. I craved her company 2o years ago, still do now, and will in 20 years from now. I think it took me 20 years of my evolving before she trusted me with her heart (I really wasn’t worthy of it 20 years ago), but she had mine from the first day.
I strive hard to be a good husband, it’s important to me. I am learning daily how to be a better man. I feel my wife and I are fortunate to have each other and I don’t want to take us for granted.
Love is a word, backed up by actions. These actions include, kindness, understanding, faith in each other, and trust in one another.
We are a blooming, beautiful rose.
This is just a simple post, written simple enough even a caveman can understand it…