A Different Kind of Blog

news and things sacred and irreverent put together by opinionated people.

Quotable Drill

Posted by 1minionsopinion on November 12, 2009

Sorry, just found the image of this to be hilarious:

The way you kill your TV is like this:

Do not let it know your intentions. Announce loudly that you are going to vacuum behind it. Get the upright vacuum cleaner and conceal inside the vacuum cleaner bag a sawed-off shotgun, preferably double-barreled and loaded. Move slowly and reassuringly toward the TV, making little calming cooing sounds, rolling the vacuum cleaner toward it. Do NOT look directly into the screen! Keep your eyes averted (do it casually though!) and your hands visible as long as you are in front of it. DO NOT CONTACT THE RABBIT EAR ANTENNAS WITH ANY BARE FLESH! (The antennas can detect the electromagnetic scent of human fear.)

Then, move to its side while humming the theme to ‘Love Boat’.

Now is the critical time.

Reach with one hand swiftly and yank the plug out of the socket in the wall, at the same time, unzipping the vacuum cleaner bag and swinging out the shotgun in one fluid, practiced motion (did I mention you need to practice this in the woods BEFORE?)

Immediately fire two shots (preferably two) into the back of the TV unit and then fall back behind the sofa and reload just in case.

Wait until there is no motion and no more sparks or crackles. Then take your fireplace poker and bludgeon the case until it is recognizable.

Bury it at midnight in unhallowed ground, somewhere where the sun never shines and birds do not sing.

And speak its name no more.

It’s a comment on a WorldMag post about increased TV watching in response to someone else’s comment about the need to kill the TVs.

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5 Responses to “Quotable Drill”

  1. Enkill_Eridos said

    This made me chuckle.

    Like

  2. dorian said

    funny! i liked the part about the rabbit antennaes picking up the scent of human fear best.

    Like

  3. 1minionsopinion said

    I still have rabbit ears. Canada hasn’t had to make the digital switch yet. I still have local broadcast but the level of snow on each channel has never been worthwhile to wade through. I haven’t watched a night’s worth of television since 2000.

    Like

  4. dorian said

    cool! everything you want to know you can find on the internet, anyway. as you know we don’t need to shoot them here anymore since they’ve pulled the plug and made them extinct. but there are things in this country more deserving to be made extinct.

    i visited the holy irreverent church of the flying spaghetti monster today and added to our bloglink.

    Like

  5. 1minionsopinion said

    Yeah, I had a link to their site for ages but then it occurred to me to put the pic on and be more obvious with it. I’m giving lip service to him tonight for dinner actually, if macaroni is a noodle. I guess it’s a short noodle…

    Like

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